While I would love to give you an update on how the OSTA Showcase is going, that can wait. There is a far more pressing issue at hand: Glee. Yes, I'm a Gleek. Don't be hating. Ladies and Gentlemen, I now submit, for your approval, a series of open letters to the characters on Glee. (Just FYI, this is meant to be a silly rant, not a legitimate message to a collection of fictional characters. Don't worry, I'm aware that the people in my magic TV box are not real. Honestly...) NOTE: THERE! WILL! BE! SPOILERS! FAIR WARNING! SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT!!!! There, now you can't say I didn't warn you.
To Kurt and Rachel,
I have a bit of a newsflash for you: NEITHER OF YOU HAVE ANY MUSICAL THEATER EXPERIENCE. Other people do. You can't seriously be that shocked that the competition for a spot at *insert made-up drama academy name here* is so intense. I know that it's scary and intimidating. But guess what? You have to deal with that. You are both going into an INCREDIBLY competitive field, and you are going to have to accept the fact that there are going to be people more talented than you out there and it will be extremely difficult. All you can do is be confident in knowing that you are extremely talented as well (yes, you too Rachel, as much as I hate to admit it) and work your ass off until you make it. Specifically to Kurt: You are going to have to learn to accept rejection better. It's theater. It is a simple fact that you will not always get the role you want because, quite frankly, you are just not right for it. If you can't just suck it up and deal with the fact that you are not right for the role of Tony in West Side Story, you will never make it in the theater business because it will crush your soul. You have two options: 1) You can whine and moan and desperately try to re-audition, which will just make you seem pathetic and make you feel much worse when you get rejected, or 2) you can graciously say "Why yes, I would love to play Officer Krupke" and then have the time of your life playing the absolute shit out of that part. Your choice.
To Sue Sylvester,
Yes, you are incredibly witty and evil and track-suit-horse-estrogen-fierce, and we all love that about you. But you have officially jumped the shark. You were never a believable character to begin with, but now it's just freakin' absurd. Just....just stop.
To Tina,
Get better dialogue. I know that's a writing issue, not a Tina issue, but....it just bugs me. A lot.
To Artie,
You. Are. Magnificent. Seriously. Just keep being awesome. (Hey writers, have him sing more please? He's clearly the best of them all).
To Quinn,
Okaaaaayyyy, someone sprinkled too many Crazy-Flakes into her cereal bowl this morning, and I'm pretty sure it was you. I get that you feel like going through a rebellious phase, and that's great. I love dyed hair, I really do. But....you gave up that baby two years ago. I hate to be harsh, but why now? Why the crazy obsession with getting Beth back now? She has spent the most crucial part of her infancy being raised by Shelby, and taking her away from her mom now would have disastrous consequences, both for you and for Beth. Face it, you are not even close to responsible enough to raise a child. And even though she is genetically related to you, you are not Beth's mother. Shelby is. She is the one who has been giving her the love and care she needs for the past two years. Don't forget, you agreed to give up the baby for adoption because you knew it would be best for BETH. Even though it hurts to hear that, it's still true. Also, listen to Mr. Schuester. Even though he's been acting kinda weird this season, everything he said in that little tough love speech of his was completely true. The Glee club has always been there for you, and you know it.
To Puck,
You seem like a really good person, you really do (deep down, that is. Deep, DEEP down.) Now's the time to prove it. Quinn is being completely irrational, and you know in your heart that Beth belongs with Shelby. Don't do anything that you (and Quinn) will regret.
To Shelby,
Okay, first of all, I'm slightly concerned about your severe memory problems. You appear to have completely forgotten that you were once hired as a surrogate to carry a gay couple's child, and somehow, in your mind, you came up with the notion that you gave Rachel up for adoption. That's generally an experience one doesn't forget. I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist or something...But anyways. While I think Quinn is being completely irrational, I definitely think that you are partially at fault here as well. Did you really think that you could spontaneously come back to McKinley and dangle the baby in Quinn's face like that and not have any repercussions? I certainly hope you hired a kickass lawyer before coming back. It's wonderful that you want to include Quinn in the baby's life, but you need to realize how unstable she is right now. And, for the third time, think about what's best for Beth. Seriously, everybody! We're dealing with the fragile psyche of an infant here!
And finally, To Blaine,
First of all, congratulations on your wonderful scientific achievement! For those of you who haven't heard, Blaine has discovered something that enables him to age backwards! Remember in the second season, when he was older then Kurt? Not anymore! Now he's a year younger! It's amazing! Second of all, OHMYGOD WHAT AN AMAZING AUDITION. That was seriously an awesome performance, and we can all tell that you are perfect to play Tony. Just perfect. Here's a little piece of advice: don't throw that away. Grow some backbone. I know Kurt is older than you (?) and he wants the part so bad that he's just peeing himself with eagerness, but you can't let him stop you. Even though you love him and all, the fact that you're clearly a better Tony than him is okay. He'll just have to deal with it. (See, Kurt? Deal with it! Let him be Tony! It's not the end of the world!)
Sooooo, Glee writers....remember that whole continuity thing? Might wanna give that a try sometimes.(That's right, some of us are paying attention.)
No comments:
Post a Comment